of oil based paint, swingsets and God's Faithfulness

I figure that even though I have not yet begun my ministry this does not mean that I can't share about my ministry and life here in Anderson Indiana as I prepare for this summer!

This past week I participated in a service event called Operation Foundation: Project Anderson. It was basically a week long service project where each day we gathered at Walnut park in Anderson, IN and then groups of us split up and went out into the city of Anderson to complete projects given to us by individuals and by the city. Being a part of the planning process, I have been able to see God' faithfulness throughout the process of this event, and I am in awe of how God can work through something as simple as motivating one individual to step forward and say, "yes, I am willing to help in any way you wish to use me". Each day I was able to see God working among the volunteers in the relationships we built and in the community as more and more members sought us out and asked why were there and others even came out to join the workers.
My favorite part though was the fact that each day I got to play with and talk with the kids in the neighborhood that would come to the park and play baseball, kickball, tag etc.
It was beautiful. I can't even describe how much I'm going to miss those kids.
One specific incident, however, will stay with me for a long time. Yesterday, I spent a few hours painting a swing set and since the younger kids on previous days were not so great with the paint, all of my helpers were 5th grade or older. As I was painting I was able to interact the kids as well as observe their interactions with one another. Yes, I know they're junior highers and to some extent they're expected to be punks who push the boundaries and test how much you'll take, but even so it was evident how the brokenness in their lives formed how they made assumptions about their world. They treated eachother with no respect and called each other names, bragged about their failures at school and were proud of their fist fights.
Even now I read this and say to myself, "Sam what did you expect? These people aren't you and why would you expect them to have the same conscience or internal motivation as yourself?" I guess I found myself shocked at what represented success among their group of friends. I had been joking around with them and talking with them for a while, and at one point when I was painting on a ladder they all made comments about how they were going to knock the ladder down from under me. At one point, one of the younger boys said "No, don't knock her down. You'll get in trouble and go to juvi andthen you'll get sued." This made me laugh, but at the same time my heart was breaking inside. This kid is so young, and yet there is already a disconnect between motivation because of rules and consequences and motivation soley on the basis of human compassion. He didn't say "No, don't knock her down because she'll get hurt. But rather his rational was based from what would happen to the other kid". I know they were joking and I know it's not a big deal, but all of this coupled with the interactions and statements made about how girls should be treated really got to me.
Here I was, in this neighborhood I've lived near for 2 years and yet I knew nothing about the interactions of the people, the social norms and the brokenness, not just physical but also relational. My heart is broken because I know that even though I made an effect, compared to the norms that have already changed, molded and hardened the hearts of the youth, I haven't done anything...well at least not nearly enough. I am broken because I see the little girls growing up believing that they are worthless, defined by the way men look at the, and incapable of breaking through the boundaries the school system puts before them. I see the boys growing up with standards that tell them that anger is ok and acting upon that frustration is the only way to show their dominance. I saw a community crying out for escape from this economic regression. Amidst it all I saw Joy and Beauty and Freedom.
I have been praying since the beginning of the semester after I reconginze how hardened my heart had become since first semester, that God would break my heart for the ministry he had provided me this summer. And although I know that this summer maybe nothing like this week, my heart is broken for those who see now escape from the expectation that society sets for them. It is broken for children who just need a hug and someone to tell them they are loved. It is broken for a world that is desperately in need of a savior and the faithfulness, joy and peace that he brings.